Tuesday, January 31, 2006

just some thoughts...

I keep meaning to write something, well, meaningful. But my brain is just too tired to do that. I missed meeting Dawn, Mimi, and Presv. Elizabeth this past weekend. That's alright. I know that we will meet someday! I wanted to go to church on Sunday but my blood levels aren't rising fast enough so I had to go through another IV immuno globulin treatment Sunday morning. Paul and Pavlos went to church. My mom came to the hospital to sit with me for part of the treatment. My dad and Uncle Pete went to our new church site to help clean up. I was hoping to at least swing by the site because I haven't been there in a while... but they gave me benadryl during my treatment and I was so whoozy! I hate that feeling. I am somewhat of a control freak and I do not like to feel out of control. Never understood why people get into drugs. Anyway, we spent Friday and Saturday nights at our home and then we came back to my parents on Sunday evening. I had labs drawn yesterday (Monday) so I should know those results sometime today. Hopefully my blood counts have risen.

Here are some things I have been thinking about (I have some time on my hands now):
  • My dad made a comment while I was in the hospital. He walked in and I was updating everyone on how the baby was doing. My dad said, I don't care about the baby, how are you? Sounds a bit harsh, right? But I realized that I am somebody's baby...I'm my dad's baby (and my mom's, too, obviously). And how I feel about my babies is the way that my dad feels about me. Age cannot change how or what I would give up for my little ones. And age will not chanage how or what my dad would give up for me and my siblings.
  • I've been told that I can be a bit dramatic and emotional (I know you are laughing, mom) but at one point, while I was in the hospital, I started crying because I was thinking about what if I died... Pavlos probably would not remember me. That crushed me. He would see pictures and hear stories but he is still too young to have clear memories of me.
  • That whole controlling thing for me is difficult to give up. Let others be in charge. Let others take control. I haven't even driven in almost two weeks! I've always been independent and like to do things when I want to do them. So it's been hard to just sit back and let others do for me.
  • I'm so thankful that we have my family in the area. This would be so hard to go through without family.

I think that's all I will write for now. I did get my "mom" haircut. That was fun. It's just very simple. Yesterday, after my doc. appt. mom decided that we should go out to lunch because traffice was terrible (some trees had fallen off of the freeway and so half the freeway was shut down to remove those trees). So we went to The Cheesecake Factory. I had been to the one in San Diego (back when I lived there). It was very good, of course. And we each ate only half our meals so we could split a cheesecake:) I love cheesecake... I think that would be my favorite dessert (I don't really like sweets all that much). Anyway, afterwards I got it in my head that I wanted to check out the Motherhood Maternity store in the mall (if it wasn't too far of a walk... when I walk, my heart rate goes up pretty quickly due to the hemolytic anemia). And it wasn't too far of a walk. So I bought myself a lounging outfit for around the house and a couple of tops. I think, at about this time in pregnancy, all my maternity clothes start to look a little depressing (because of wearing the same things over and over again). And I really wanted something comfortable to wear. That was my big adventure for yesterday. Don't know what today's big adventure will be:)


Mimi said...

Oh dearest Christina, you were greatly missed, but I know I speak for everyone that your health and the health of your baby are much more important.

Congratulations on the yummy lunch and the new outfit - it's *so* needed when you are expecting.


Susan said...

That is why they say that when you become a parent you suddendly see your parents in a different light..
there is nothing like the love a parent has for a child.

Xenia Kathryn said...

You have parents who love you so much. I agree, I don't know what I would do if my parents and siblings weren't close by...

I've had thoughts similar to yours concerning death and children. I keep thinking, what if I die in childbirth or something and Steve's left with our daughter? But I know "the enemy" is crafty, and he is always finding ways to distract and upset me.

I look forward to seeing your mom haircut. I'm so glad you got to go out for lunch and a get a new outfit--yay!

papa herman said...

We do forget that "we" are our parents kids.

My dad has let me know that I am always his little boy... and I am married and have 3 kids.

Maybe that is a "dad thing" because I don't recall having ever heard my mom say that--though I am sure she feels it too.